It’s Okay To not be Okay…

Good Morning!

Remember the mantra? “No one and nothing matters, all that matters is you and yourself. Learn to love yourself first, rest everything will fall in place. Trust me!” 

I know, I know! It’s been almost a week since I am not blogging. To be honest, I really don’t know if I am still going to blog every day. It gets super hectic. Even though I am not officially on a job or like anything, but I do some part-time small work and house chores which keeps me busy and keep me on toes. I am trying my best to get a proper freelance work though!

Anyway, yes! I have been lost since the past few days and so was being away from blogging. Also, this blogchatter program of #myfriendalexa is keeping me tied down to just keep reading blogs, leaving comments and sharing every day. It’s exhausting but in the end, I get some super amazing blogs to read.

Why Lost?

Well, being at home 24/7 and not having any proper goal or purpose every day except somehow to survive and drag myself, is really really tiring. Like, every day I feel I just don’t wanna wake up from bed, I have work and deadlines, and in the past few days, my work also suffered. I could not deliver what was expected of me and I felt more discouraged to do anything.

So I just binged watched Netflix “Working Mom’s” Series and felt more bad about the fact that even they are doing what they have to do and I am only being a whining stupid girl. But they have like some supportive friends. So, I don’t know if I got lost or just vanish away (which I am lost) anyone would even bother to know where I am, how I am…(I don’t think so…) and sometimes even my best friend ‘Loneliness’ irks me a lot… If you haven’t read my previous blog post which was a letter to my dearest friend “Loneliness” here is the link
https://lifeandmusing.com/2019/09/05/letter-to-my-dearest-friend-loneliness-and-how-loneliness-taught-me-to-be-my-superhero/

But what do you do, when every day you just try to make every end meet and still get back to where you started. Just like I will have to do now. And, I still have no idea, I am just blank and lost…and I don’t know how to clear this messy head from all the negativity and overthinking.

I don’t feel like fighting back this time, because I am exhausted of continuously being the fighter. So I am just letting things sink in. In the end, all I know is I am only going to be the one who will have to pick myself up all alone and gather the bits and pieces of my life and get back to life. Because let’s be very honest here, no one will care if my dreams are broken if my wishes remain incomplete (which I feel some of them will always remain incomplete), no one will realize if I am breaking down and faking a smile, no one will lose anything, except me. I will lose myself, and I can’t let that happen because already life has no meaning and if I lose myself, there will be nothing left to move forward. So basically, it will only be me who is losing a lot and it won’t matter to anyone else, I myself will have to pick myself up…

I strongly believe that we are our own superheroes and we will have to take charge of our own lives. So let’s just hope I am able to do that for myself all over again… even though at the moment it seems impossible… Because how much can a person remain strong? and even if I try to talk, all I will hear is “oh! stay strong, we all are going through the same, bla bla…” Next time if someone advises me to stay strong, I’ll punch the person straight. -_-

I feel even talking to someone won’t help me find a solution I have tried that, all I feel is drained at the moment. So let’s be a little harsh and honest that sometimes it feels too heavy, but we all are going through our own issues in life and even though we have people around us, or have like support system, but at the end it is we who have to pick ourselves up and get back to life. Even if we feel tired, and have like no hope and positivity left within us or we have given up… Life has its ways to just get into our nerves…and we just have to live with that. (NO CHOICE GIVEN!)

So yeah! let’s just try to get back to life again…somehow!

Have a beautiful day ahead! I hope my blogpost does not give you negative vibes. It’s just my space to rant things out. And I do know! I have used ‘like’ word a lot…I will work on that.

I am taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatters #Myfriendalexa program.

#myfriendalexa #blogging #lifeandmusing #blogger #lifemessybits #indieblogging