How did it Felt being A Failure again and Finding a Closure. (One month Break Served Well.)

Heyaa! How have you all been? I know the year 2020 is all depressing and we all are super bored, irritated and lost. I am with you…

So before we go ahead, this is a long and super rant blog post where I am just sharing my heart out… Hope you stay with me till the end…

Why I took A break?

The people who follow me on Instagram are already aware of why I took off. But still, I will give a small overview.
On July 26th, 2020, I announced about getting away from making cartoons as it is Prohibited in Islam.

With a big heartbreak unbearable to bear, I took a break from all of my plans, projects, and even blogging.

I was exhausted, broken, hurt, and disappointed that all of my hard work and precisely my one year of hard work will be a complete waste.

I was aware that drawing human figures is prohibited in Islam but was of the notion that cartoon making does no harm turns out that it does.

Perhaps, I don’t wish to dive deeper into it because I am at a good, in fact, a better place today.

As they say, whatever happens, happens for good. So even though; I was disappointed a month ago, I already was aware that something good will surely come my way.

If something has been taken away from you it is always replaced by something better. This has always been the case with me.

What did I do for a month?

It was a tough decision to stop making cartoons which I loved the most. In this past year, I have worked very hard and learned how to draw. You see, I am not a born artist. I was horrible when it came to drawing even during the school days. But then I had to give up (not completely though).

Since I was heartbroken, I thought to take a break and figure things out. Meanwhile, I thought of reading books as I was neglecting reading since a long time.

So I read books but also did some other forms of art such as painting and brush calligraphy.

Read the Review on One Girl Many Lives a short story collection I read in August here

It’s not easy for an artist like me to just sit idle and do nothing at all.

So even though at first, I wasn’t enjoying much of brush calligraphy as it’s not easy to master it (I am still learning). I pushed myself to learn it for some inexplicable reason. I had no idea why, no intention of what will I do with it further, but I did it anyway.

It’s not the first time I was trying though, I had tried it in the past years too but dropped the plan to learn more as it never excited me much.

Slowly watercolors took my attention and I started learning watercolor flowers especially that lose watercolor rose and flowers, as I was trying to master it since a long time…

I re-tried it only to enjoy learning it.

Now it seems like, I have become ‘Jack of all trades, master of none…’ lol! (still a learner though)

I even am into watercolor landscape painting now the only thing is I have to practice a lot more. I have been working on my acrylic painting skills too.

In the end, I realized Almighty just wanted me to pay more attention on my naturally gifted abilities i.e.painting than immersing myself into something I was trying so hard to be good at…

I did an online course too about which I will talk in another post.

What did I learn?

I learned a lot… This past one month was like a dark night but when the sun rose, it gave me a clear picture.

The most important lesson was, I went through this rough phase all alone, and the one person who was most affected by it was just me.

No one had to lose anything, but I lost everything all at once…perhaps gained much more back.

I realized that when one hit the rock bottom, it is only we who have to bear the pain and try to hold ourselves together. No one will come to comfort you or save you.

But honestly, I am grateful for the past month because I got explored a lot more about me, and the fact that I enjoy my own company a lot more. Of course, at times it’s exhausting but most of the time it’s my home.
Now people scare me the most. lol!

Also, for an artist art is a lonely job and I have accepted it and wish to keep getting lost in my artwork. And that’s how I completely drowned myself into my art and that’s how I healed.

People can find flaws in me and make excuses to leave by my side, but art, no matter how much I will be flawed at it, or how much I prove to be a disappointed artist, art never left me, and hopefully, it will never leave.

And I really am wholeheartedly very grateful for this past one month, no wonder Almighty test me time and again only to end up making me stronger and wiser.

I learned that my dreams, my goals, especially my art means a lot more to me than to anyone out there and that I shouldn’t take things for granted.

I breathe art, I breathe words, I breathe stories that are currently messed up in my head.

Failures Make You Stronger

I’ve learned if I won’t do anything about my dreams and goals and things I love to do, there will be no one who will at least even try to give me a hand and pick me up. So I rather fight alone and be the lone lioness.
I know I am hell strong, that’s the reason I call myself a lioness, but now I also wish to call myself a phoenix bird. Why?

People say failures make you fall, I believe my failures always make me rise a little higher than before… I rise stronger, wiser, and higher and more colourful from my brokenness. I get re-born from all those broken pieces of me…Just like the bird, Phoenix takes re-birth from its own burned ashes…

I am so proud of myself while writing this, it makes me happy…That I went through it alone and came out stronger and wiser and with more determination to work on wonderful ideas…

I know when dreams are broken, you almost die a bit within. I am well aware of the pain because this is not the first time.

But this was like the biggest fall because I was already aware I am alone, I was already working very hard, and even though it was not the time to take a break because I was trying to make my place on social media, trying to attract followers and then I had to just disappear.

And when you are all alone and enjoying something suddenly even that is all gone, it breaks you more… But I am glad, this happened to me because I got to learn a lot through this experience.

And finally, all’s well that ends well…

I also realized and learned one major thing about myself and social media.

I was almost on a pressure to post every day, to post on different social media platforms, to be ready with new ideas, to work every day on my pc and break my upper back.

And when I used to not get good likes, comments, the appreciation I used to feel like I am not doing good.

But being away for a month from sharing/posting anything on social media, and just enjoying the process of making art, I realized how much toxic can social media be if you rely too much on it.

Even though it’s one of the crucial elements when one wish to start/grow their freelancing business like me, but it’s exhausting too.

Here, I learned to never consider social media especially to worth one’s hard work and art.

I am already aware I have followers and people in my circle who are not entirely following me because they like me or my work, but because they merely wish to keep an eye on me what I am up to these days…

One can’t deny the importance of social media in today’s time although one must also not drown in the toxicity social media can bring along.
Just keep doing what you love to do the rest will follow is the mantra I wish to follow now…

What About My digital Art?

My digital art is going no where.

I decided to continue with the only change that I should not make facial features. Even though most of my plans are highly affected by this, but that’s okay.

I will figure something out… I still make digital art and will continue to do so.

There are many things I still got to learn when it comes to digital art so it’s a long way to go…

So this was it… Lessons I learned, pain I still am carrying and new things I discovered…

I really hope this lifts your spirits up too if you are going to a hard time, just hang in there things will surely fall into place…

🙂